When Everything Breaks

We will get a chance to see each other for who we truly are. Equals, relieved to no longer need permission to care. We can let the cat out of the bag and be as loving as we truly are without shame. Somehow our world turned our love against us, making it out to be a threat. Love has become the scariest thing instead of the one guiding thread that will save us all. Slowly we admit we care, deeply, about those in our lives. Strangers even, whose orbit will cross our star path only every other whensome. We remember their gaze. Sending us vital recognition. Emergency information exactly when our heart seams are silently ripping through our will to live. Barely salvaged. Barely savage. Thank god you saw me then, blistering blue in a dark red sky. I was about to jump off this cliff I carry inside like a secret.

Another day over and we barely made it through alive. Why do we have to live this way, you say to yourself. Every night as a lullaby when you lay your head down to die. No one to sing you sweet nothings. No savior truth come to rescue you from toxic boredom. Apathetic mediocrity. Poisonous captivity . We say, in hushed conversation over liquids. Spilling internal to ex, outside down no ground. We say ~ maybe some day we will have a big change.

The warning buttons have been pressed. They are big and round and shiny like nail polish I don’t care about. They are smooth, perfect. Manufactured somewhere by a stranger whom I’d love if I could only see them once. Really see them. i wouldn’t be able to tell them though. It’s not proper. Maybe they would hurt me. Permission. Who gives it anyways?

Not today. Today everything broke. Today we are alone, together. Everything that held us in place, the global duck tape of our raging system bent on death and destruction, it all gave way. What was horizontal is vertical and what was vertical is just spinning and its beautiful to have to care about each other more than how we stack. We have stacks and stacks of the soap boxes; speeches hanging out like birds in the sky, just fluttering. Waiting for us to notice them falling to the ground. Dead.

We must keep walking, we must keep driving we must keep working we have to we will perish if we stop. This is our global threat. This is the threat to our lives. Move. Work. You are the product. While animals and people live with no dignity until they die violently with no love and its just another soap box just stacking in the corner there like a rescue mission out of the Truman Show.

Show me where the sky breaks loose. I will go there. We will, can, are, going there.

We truly live in the moments between the must’s. Passing information fervently like stars scattering the deep deep blue. Broken free, run wild, set loose to shine. That’s all. Stars shine.

Scattering natural light across infinite fields of never-ending. Glistening in the dust of yesterdays dreams. Basking in the black. Safe in forever. A stunning chaos.

Silent Enemies

Perfectionism is my hunter. My stalker. My internal terror. Baiting me at every step to turn back and hide my shameful face. What will they think when you show your terrible ways? How they will ridicule and laugh at you when you dare chase your dreams. They’re going to see what you’re so blind to ~ your fatal flaw. The fact that some bold part of you thinks that you are capable of vast potential, realizing great dreams, that this is your birthright. Oh my god, how you fool yourself.

You must work harder, you must work as hard as you can everyday of your life to fix yourself. To fix what has always been broken. To fix the love that repels people from you. To fix what turns those you love into your greatest most daunting enemies. You must find what is ugly in you and hide it, burn it, destroy it. For this is what people see when you share your deepest creations. They don’t see the love and mystical magic you want to share. The unbridled joy of being free to be whoever you want to be.

This knowledge you possess, that you are ultimately unlimited ~ this is dangerous territory. This invitation to expand exponentially will break you apart. It will kill you and everyone around you. It is a threat to your existence. It is also your very nature. It is the core of who you are. Who you are is who you must be, yet who you are will destroy everything that you love. This is the bind you feel that you are in. This is the internal consequence of how you have been loved in a mistaken fashion. This is not true, but you don’t know it yet.

You only know that something is pulling you along. Some unbreakable rope has been thrown up around a star and it is tied to your heart. You cannot escape your destiny, nor would you ever choose to. Destiny ~ that which is created from your own void. An internal divine. Justice of your own making. Perfectionism is only the shadow of your great abandon. Go forth and set wild everything inside of you. If anyone laughs, you will not notice anymore.

The sound of your own beating heart and the blood pulsing ecstatically through your veins will drown them out.